December 28th, 2006



The Top 9 Signs
Your Monkey Is Depressed


9> It’s not so much flinging as it is a half-hearted lob.

8> She’s floating face down. Whoops, sorry, that’s a sign your sea monkey is depressed.

7> He spends all his time hanging around the monkey bars.

6> Since his lip-curling, armpit-scratching and head-slapping didn’t impress that hot Goodall chick, he just sits on the couch and watches “Bridget Jones’s Diary” all day long.

5> She only drinks alone when she’s miserable, and your banana liqueur is disappearing fast.

4> All “Ooh ooh ooh” and no “Aah aah aah.”

3> Lately he seems to only have lukewarm monkey sex.

2> You ask “Where does a 500-pound gorilla sleep?” and she locks herself in the bathroom for three hours.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Monkey Is Depressed…

1> He keeps dialing suicide hotlines but no one picks up on the other banana.




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Credits:

Selected from 67 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

James Floyd, San Diego, CA — 1
William Prune Wickart, Danish Falls, MN — 2
Matt Van Opens, Kenosha. WI — 3, 6, 9 (Hat trick!)
Christa Grunewald, Leonardville, KS — 4, 9
Mel Clark, Kalamazoo, MI — 5
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 6
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 7, Banner Tag
Nancy Vaine, Stuart, FL — 8
Kate Melnyk, Tewksbury, MA — 9
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 9
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator/Governing Body