7> You and your brother were each so determined to make a wish,
you snapped Grandma’s pelvis in two.
6> Your belly button has popped out lke the turkey timer.
5> The police are using your tryptophan-saturated breath to
sedate violent psychopaths, gun wielding crackheads, and Black
Friday shoppers at Macy’s.
4> The DOL just reclassified your one-ton pickup as a single
3> The muffin top on your hiphuggers puts those steroidal
pastries at Starbucks to shame.
2> You wake up in Pasadena where you find a team of co-eds
shoving roses up your ass.
Selected from 22 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 1, 2, 3 (Hat trick!) (29th #1)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 4, 5
Paul Van Opens, Annapolis, MD — 6
Chris White, Studio City, CA — 7
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — Beauty Queen