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September 16, 2004      Share

This year, catering to an increasingly
attention-span-challenged audience, the producers of the
Miss America Pageant will only show the talent performances
of the top two finalists during the live broadcast.
At first, we objected to that. But then we had second thoughts:

The Top 9 Rejected Miss
America Talent Performances

9> One-woman a capella jug band.

8> Sitting down at the harp for an ethereal rendition of “Why
Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw?”

7> Kegel flexing.

6> Snot rockets for distance and accuracy.

5> Nose hair crochet.

4> Booger sculpture.

3> Avenging last year’s Miss Congeniality award.

2> “And as you can see from the comments on this section of the
program, this little two-line piece of code saves us 40 to 50
lines from the finished product. Now as we turn to the end of
the If/Then statement….”

and the Number 1 Rejected Miss America Talent Performance…
1> Let’s just say it involves Miss California and her twin.



Selected from 52 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Matt Van Opens, Kenosha. WI — 1, 2, 3, 5, 9 (Hat trick!)
William Longspee, Salisbury, England — 4, 6
Juli Rockwell, Barnesville, OH — 7
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 7
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 8
Margaret Gorman, Washington, DC — Banner Tag, RU list name
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator/Governing Body