March 29, 2004      Share

The Top 9 Provisions We’d
Like to See in a Health Care Bill

9> More anal probing!

8> Doctors must warm their hands and instruments before examing a
patient’s groinal area.

7> Expanded lobotomy research, starting with corrupt politicians
and whoever thought up the current health care system.

6> Allocate $10 billion in research to discover just what the
hell is wrong with my ex.

5> Emergency Room “Five Visits Get One Free” punch cards for
parents of active boys.

4> Implement the Darwin-Malthus amendment: No coverage for

3> Require all mental health benefit plans to cover unlimited
over-the-counter chocolate.

2> More useful side effects from new drugs. Like telekinesis.

and the Number 1 Provision We’d Like to See in a Health Care
1> In the event you’re turned away without care due to lack
of coverage, you get to cough, sneeze, and/or spew upon a
tied-down administrator from your HMO!



Selected from 49 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Christa Grunewald, Leonardville, KS — 1, 5
J. Amila, Chicago, IL — 2, 3
Mel Clark, Kalamazoo, MI — 3
William Prune Wickart, Danish Falls, MN — 4
Matt Van Opens, Kenosha. WI — 6
Tracy Lunquist, NW Suburbia, IL — 7, 8
Scott Elmer, Wheaton, IL — 8
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 8, 9
Kay Permanente, Portland, OR — Banner Tag, RU list name
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator/Governing Bo