October 4, 2004      Share

NOTE FROM FRAN
The Rand Corporations’s Health Unit recently released a study
that analyzed the obvious hazards of living in the suburbs –
lack of exercise, caused by the need to drive everywhere.
But we want to alert our readers to the insidious,
the unsuspected, the lurking, sneaky, ravening terrors…
where was I? The ways living in the ‘burbs make you sick
that sane scientists haven’t thought of yet.

The Top 6 Little-Known
Hazards of Living in the Suburbs

6> Riding-mower ass.

5> Several beers plus a weed-whacker do NOT add up to a good
idea.

4> Roving bands of killer chipmunks.

3> Is the couple at your door circulating petitions that would
require all houses on the block to be painted white, selling
their daughter’s Girl Scout cookies, or are they evangelizing
for the Jehovah’s Witnesses? Do you feel lucky?

2> Being trampled during the semi-annual “Running of the
Homeless.”

and the Number 1 Little-Known Hazard of Living in the Suburbs…
1> Pennisetum envy.


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Credits:

Selected from 19 submissions from 6 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Scott Elmer, Wheaton, IL — 1, 4
William Prune Wickart, Danish Falls, MN — 2, 3
Mel Clark, Kalamazoo, MI — 5
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 6
Veronica Sawyer, Sherwood, OH — Banner Tag
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator/Governing Bo

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