Next  Previous list:  

January 22, 2004      Share

There have been numerous studies and articles lately
investigating the efficacy of prayer in health and fitness.
At Top5 Health and Beauty we don’t know if prayer works,
but we’re willing to give it a try:

The Top 8 Health and Fitness Prayers

8> “Lord, please give me the the strength to change what I can
change, the wisdom to know what I cannot change, and if
it’s not too much trouble, could you help me get out of this
yoga position?”

7> “Oh, God, let me hold my gut in until that stud in the ripped
T-shirt gets out of the room.”

6> “God, grant me the serenity to accept the pounds I cannot
lose, the courage to lose the pounds I can, and liposuction to
get rid of the difference.”

5> “Our trainer who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy pain
come, thy will be done, on Nautilus, as it is in free weights.
Give us this day our daily pump, and forgive us our weaknesses
as we forgive those who yell at us to do ‘just one more.’”

4> “… and from carbos deliver us. Amen.”

3> “Dear Lord, give me the strength to continue going to the gym
and abstaining from cheesecake, and if you have an extra
minute, please smite about 45 pounds of lard right onto the
thighs of that bleach blonde, botoxed hussy two doors down who
keeps eyeballing my husband when he leaves for work. Amen!”

2> “Give us this day our daily no-carb bread substitute.”

and the Number 1 Health and Fitness Prayer…
1> “Oh, God, aren’t we done yet?”



Selected from 21 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Matt Van Opens, Kenosha. WI — 1, 8
Asher Samuels, Jerusalem, Israel — 2
William Prune Wickart, Danish Falls, MN — 2
Christa Grunewald, Leonardville, KS — 3
Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina — 4
Randy Lee, Burke, VA — 5, 6
William Longspee, Salisbury, England — 7
Aimee S. Lalanne, Taos, NM — Banner Tag
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator/Governing Bo