April 8, 2004     

NOTE FROM FRAN:

The Irish government recently banned smoking
in pubs and restaurants.
While this is undoubtedly a healthy development,
it may have some unexpected ramifications:

The Top 9 Effects of
Banning Smoking in Irish Pubs

9> “I smell a roast-beef-and-Yorkshire-pudding fart. Must be an
Englishman in the pub.”

8> Darts will land high due to decreased drag, until the players
adjust to the new atmosphere.

7> Fewer hacking, wheezing leprechauns.

6> “Saints be praised! Now I can concentrate on destroying my
*liver*.”

5> The alley out back now has designated fighting, vomiting and
smoking sections.

4> Before: Drink in the left hand, smoke in the right.
After: Drink in the left hand… you do the math.

3> Sinn Fein goes way over budget now that their stockpile of
Molotov cocktails has to be replaced by much pricier
electronic detonators.

2> “At least I won’t be quite so winded after next week’s
soccer riot.”

and the Number 1 Effect of Banning Smoking in Irish Pubs…

1> Patrons realize the funny taste in draught Guinness is
the Guinness.

.

Credits:

Selected from 26 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 1, 3, 9 (Hat trick!)
Matt Van Opens, Kenosha, WI — 2, 6
William Prune Wickart, Danish Falls, MN — 3, 8
Barb Padgett, Toledo, OH — 3
Christa Grunewald, Leonardville, KS — 4, 5
Chris Lipe, Rome, NY — 7
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator/Governing Bo