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July 15, 2004      Share

I believe we’ve managed to offend zealots of nearly every
major religious persuasion with this list,
so if that describes you, just hit Delete now.
Otherwise, duck and cover.

The Top 8 Differences If Your
Personal Trainer Were a Religious Figure

8> Satan: “Go for the burn!”

7> Martin Luther: Every week he shows up at your house and nails
your workout schedule the front door.

6> Moses: “Follow me, my people; after only 20 more miles, we
will reach the land of soy milk and honey-flavored smoothies.”

5> Buddha: “Walk the Eightfold Path… then do a light trot in
place and run back here.”

4> Noah: “Start swimming. I’ll be back in 40 days and 40 nights.”

3> The one I have is bad enough. I tried to tell him he’s not
God, and he made me do another 15 minutes of Pilates.

2> Gandhi: No resistance training.

and the Number 1 Difference If Your Personal Trainer Were a
Religious Figure…
1> Jesus: Lots of cross-training.



Selected from 46 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 1, Runner Up list name
Chris Louth, Vancouver, BC — 2
William Prune Wickart, Danish Falls, MN — 3, 8
Matt Van Opens, Kenosha. WI — 4, 6
Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina — 5, 7
William Longspee, Salisbury, England — 7
Kathleen McDonough, Chicago, IL — Banner Tag
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — List Moderator