attitude people suck. For instance, they say
things like, “When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.” MY friends say “when life
gives you lemons, I ain’t making no
lemonade, imma squeeze it in someone’s eyes.”
“When Life Gives You Lemons…”
8> Start training to win a gold medal in puckering at the next
7> Trade them in for some limes to go in your gin and tonic.
6> Crush ‘em with a hammer, Gallagher-style.
5> Then it’s okay to give life herpes.
4> Freeze them and hurl them at people who insist on giving you
stupid platitudes while you’re miserable.
3> Become a billionaire with Lemonade.com.
2> Throw the damn lemons back at life. I mean seriously, what
kind of crappy Chanukah gift is lemons?
Selected from 30 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 1 (1st #1! WooHoo!)
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 2, 5
Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 3, 6
Paul Van Opens, Annapolis, MD — 4
Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 7
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 8
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — Beauty Queen