The Top 9 Surprises in
“Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”

9> Subliminal messages inserted between frames prompt viewers to believe that the film doesn’t utterly suck.

8> Angelina Jolie’s breasts digitally altered to appear more polygonal.

7> Lara Croft’s acrobatic timing thrown off by new Maxwell Smart shoe-phone.

6> A secret ending can be viewed by moving to the front left corner of the theater, climbing the curtain, drawing your twin pistols, then side jumping onto a hidden platform in front of the balcony.

5> Monster-slaying sidekick turns out to be hubby Billy Bob Thornton wielding a sling blade.

4> Modified Game Genie cartridge run through credit card machine at concession stand accesses infamous nude cheat.

3> The ancient Mayans used hieroglyphs that look strikingly like the Pepsi, Ericsson, and Taco Bell logos.

2> The movie gives male viewers’ hands as much of a workout as the video game itself.

and the Number 1 Surprise in “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”…

1> “Angelina Jolie could not possibly be hot enough to play… Oh, good LORD.”

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Credits:

Selected from 26 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 Gaming List authors are:

Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI — 1, 6 (High score! 1st #1)
Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL — 2, 9
Neil Davidson, Mississauga, ON — 3, 8
Rich Neves, Levittown, NY — 4, 5 (Rookie!)
Paul Boyle, Attleboro, MA — 4, 6 (Rookie!)
Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5
Bill Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 7
Human males over 10 years old — Topic
Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL — Gaming Commissioner