August 27th, 2008
NOTE FROM DOUG:
One way to tell if an ethnic restaurant is
“the real deal” is to see if people of that
ethnicity eat there. Or, just pay attention.
“the real deal” is to see if people of that
ethnicity eat there. Or, just pay attention.
The Top 10 Signs You’re Not at
an Authentic Italian Restaurant
an Authentic Italian Restaurant
10> The word “Hut” anywhere in the name of the place.
9> You ask for Sauce Bolognaise and the waiter informs you they don’t serve cold cuts here.
8> You get a discount if your meal is a Passover seder.
7> “Authentic Southern Italian Cuisine” means Hog Jowls Alfredo and Barbecued Pignolata.
6> You can get Linguine Tacos to go.
5> Music playing over the muzak system: Billy Joel’s “Scenes from an Entirely Bogus Italian Restaurant.”
4> Even the owner’s immigrant grandmother says “Eye-talian.”
3> The menu says: “Succulent roasted pork enrobed in a tasty polenta batter.” Your plate says: “Corn dog.”
2> They’ve got only *one* type of pasta and they just call it “pasta.”
and the Number 1 Sign You’re Not at an Authentic Italian Restaurant…
1> It’s 95% fat free.
.
Credits:
Selected from 47 submissions from 13 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 1
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa — 2
Steve Lunetta, Tucson, AZ — 3, 10
Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 4, 8
Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA — 5
Judy Goodman, Wilmette, IL — 6, Banner tag
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 7, 9, 10 (Bellissimo!)
Doug Frank, Crosby, TX — the Saucier
RUNNERS UP list — Take the list. Leave the cannoli.
One minute the Muzak is Tony Bennett, the next it is Outkast.
(Leonard Topolski, Pearland, TX)
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN)
(Phyllis Reinhard, E. Fallowfield, PA)
Red-and-white checked table cloths, mandolin music softly playing, wine bottles hanging from the ceiling, tofu-getti…
(Steve Lunetta, Tucson, AZ)
Sure, they serve San Pelegrino, but over *ice*!
(Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI)
The grated cheese is Velveeta.
(Phyllis Reinhard, E. Fallowfield, PA)
The meatballs are stamped with “Top-Flite.”
(Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA)
The Tiramisu is made from *real* lady fingers. Wait! It *might* be a real Italian Restaurant!
(Frank Boneno, Baton Rouge, LA)
Their idea of “filled pastas” involves someone in the back squirting Cheez Whiz into macaroni.
(Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI)
Today’s Special: Stuffed Mostacholie.
(Frank Boneno, Baton Rouge, LA)
Wine by the bottle, by the glass, or in a souvenir cup.
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN)
You are in Rome, surrounded by Italians, and yet those golden arches seem strangely familiar.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
(Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA)
Your raviloi looks and tastes suspiciously like really scrunched-up White Castles.
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
Your waitress asks: “Y’all want a side order of grits with that?”
(Leslie Arduser-Brogan, Webster, NY)
Runners Up list name
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
(Leonard Topolski, Pearland, TX)
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN)
(Phyllis Reinhard, E. Fallowfield, PA)
Red-and-white checked table cloths, mandolin music softly playing, wine bottles hanging from the ceiling, tofu-getti…
(Steve Lunetta, Tucson, AZ)
Sure, they serve San Pelegrino, but over *ice*!
(Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI)
The grated cheese is Velveeta.
(Phyllis Reinhard, E. Fallowfield, PA)
The meatballs are stamped with “Top-Flite.”
(Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA)
The Tiramisu is made from *real* lady fingers. Wait! It *might* be a real Italian Restaurant!
(Frank Boneno, Baton Rouge, LA)
Their idea of “filled pastas” involves someone in the back squirting Cheez Whiz into macaroni.
(Barb McMullen, Ann Arbor, MI)
Today’s Special: Stuffed Mostacholie.
(Frank Boneno, Baton Rouge, LA)
Wine by the bottle, by the glass, or in a souvenir cup.
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN)
You are in Rome, surrounded by Italians, and yet those golden arches seem strangely familiar.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
(Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA)
Your raviloi looks and tastes suspiciously like really scrunched-up White Castles.
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
Your waitress asks: “Y’all want a side order of grits with that?”
(Leslie Arduser-Brogan, Webster, NY)
Runners Up list name
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
