May 30, 2002     

The Top 7 Signs You’re
Being Stalked by a Sommelier

7> You discover Spy-cams embedded in the cork tops of all the
pinot noirs in your wine rack.

6> Someone keeps calling and asking about your rack — and you’re
a guy.

5> You make a sudden stop and find an amusing Chardonnay cork up
your butt.

4> Someone dressed like Ronald McDonald comes to your table
suggesting a robust cabernet to go with your Big Mac and
fries.

3> He leaves you notes that say things like, “Ah, my sherry,
cabernet with me for a barolo in the hay.”

2> You keep over-hearing a muted commentary concerning your
personal ‘bouquet.’

and the Number 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by a Sommelier…

1> She poaches your bunny gently in a ‘93 Margaux.

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Credits:

Selected from 12 submissions from 5 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 1, 3 (14th #1)
Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ — 2, 5
Victoria Capps, Miami, FL — 4, 7
Dirk Warren, Shawnee, KS — 6
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA — Topic
Doug Finney, Houston, TX — List Moderator