October 28, 2004      Share

The Top 8 Signs Your Favorite
Restaurant Is Using Human Meat

8> The “Artie-Choked Heart Salad” sounds a little suspicious.

7> “Sushi? I thought you said you wanted ‘Suzi!’”

6> Maybe “salted Peter” isn’t a typo.

5> The Chinese busboy is missing and 30 minutes later, you’re
hungry again.

4> Two days after a full school bus disappears, half the
restaurants in town are running specials on veal.

3> “Well-marbled rump roast,” my ass. I know cellulite when I see

2> You thought the chicken breast was a little tough, until
your knife punctured the saline implant.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Favorite Restaurant Is Using Human
1> You’re pretty damned sure that steak came from your
ex-wife, because as usual, it was tough, crusty and didn’t
agree with you.



Selected from 74 submissions from 22 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, S. Africa — 1
Judith Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 2, 3
Melony Lamusk, Crenshaw, WI — 3, 7
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 4
Erik Deckers, Syracuse, IN — 5
Mark Sweatt, Marietta, GA — 6
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 8
Danny Gallagher, Henderson, TX — RU list name
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — HM list name
Joe Terranova, Lake Orion, MI — Banner Tag
Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI — Chief Chef