August 18, 2004     

NOTE FROM KIM:

Now I don’t care whether you assume Dame Julia
is going to Heaven or going to Hell, you
know she’s going to make some changes when she
gets there. And you know we’re going to feel the
effects back down here in the kitchens,
restaurants and other foodie haunts of Earth.

The Top 8 Signs Julia Child Is
Making Some Long-Overdue Changes

8> Your kitchen sink now has three taps — Hot, Cold, and
Champagne.

7> One of the commandments now reads, “Thou shalt not covet thy
neighbor’s kitchen utensils.”

6> Nothing hits the kitchen floor anymore. Now even dropped
chickens float directly back up.

5> The value of souls is now based on a food index. For example:
Saint Teresa’s soul All the Champagne in France; Michael
Moore’s soul One stale Chee-to.

4> Everyone who ever did that God-awful Julia Child impression
automatically loses three karma points.

3> In all the world’s Bibles, the communion is changed from
unleavened bread and wine to a “tasty homemade wheat cracker”
and a “jaunty little cabernet, perhaps a Chateau du Bois
‘75.”

2> Heaven is heatedly divided by Julia’s proprietary claim
on the use of “JC.”

and the Number 1 Sign Julia Child Is Making Some Long-Overdue
Changes…

1> Creme brulee has no calories, cassoulet has no carbs and beer
has been recognized as a miraculous cure for everything from
cancer to crotch itch.

.

Credits:

Selected from 38 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Melony Lamusk, Crenshaw, WI — 1
Leslie Arduser-Brogan, Webster, NY — 2
Guy Payne, Leeds, AL — 3
Danny Gallagher, Henderson, TX — 4, Runner Up list name
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 5, 7
Steve Lunetta, Tucson, AZ — 6
Brad Miklosovic, Parma, OH — 8
Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI — Black armband and
raising a beer