NOTE FROM DAVE:

The contributors had so much fun last week, that
we had too damn many funny items! When the comedy
is this fresh, you squeeze it for all it’s worth.
So…

The Top 9 Signs Your Baby
Might Be a Mutant - Part 2

9> He has his father’s eyes (on the front of his head) and his mother’s eyes (on the back).

8> “Honey, when did you get the little clouds and lightning mobile over the crib?” “Uh … that’s not a mobile, dear.”

7> Granted you’re not exactly a grandmaster, but that’s the fifth time today she’s beaten you at chess.

6> Every time you try to feed him some of that apricot baby food the bowl mysteriously explodes.

5> Little Piotr’s diaper isn’t wet. It isn’t poopy. But it sure looks rusty …

4> You get more junk mail from Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters than from Gerber, Pampers and Similac combined.

3> The apparent ability to take the kinetic energy of a half-jar of baby food and turn it in to 4 gallons of puke and 18 pounds of poop!

2> Baby hasn’t learned to walk yet, but he’s levitating pretty well.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Baby Might Be a Mutant…

1> Lots of parents call their baby “my little angel”; but only yours actually has wings…

.

Credits:

Selected from 54 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD — 1, 9 (5th #1)
Marc Berard, Central Falls, RI — 2, 6
Brian Pierce, Lynnwood, WA — 3
Jack Scheer, Falls Church, VA — 4
Dave Hill, Centennial, CO — 5, 8
Neil Davidson, Mississauga, ON — 7
Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL — Mild Mannered Reporter