NOTE FROM DAVE:

I’m still getting called to task for our
“least useful arrow” list last month.
Apparently the Batman crowd feels that if
you want to talk useless gadgets, you must
talk about the ubiquitous Bat-Utility Belt.
I personally feel this is more indicative
of the TV series than the comic, but when
faced with controversy, caving in immediately
is my preferred course of action. So…
The 9 Least Useful Items in Batman’s Utility Belt
9> Hate Mail to George Clooney
8> The Bat-Harmonica
7> A handful of Scooby snacks
6> An inflatable, already doomed-to-die, spare pre-adolescent
sidekick
5> Well, nothing specifically sized to the actor inside the
suit, cause, hey, it’ll be someone else next time
4> No thanks to an overzealous marketing department, the utility
belt is overstocked with Batman Underoos, Kraft brand Batman
pasta-and-cheese, and the embarrassing Bat-edible-panties.
3> 2 tickets to matinee showing of “Pootie Tang”
2> Pez dispenser in the shape of that dork Green Lantern
and the Number 1 Least Useful Item in Batman’s Utility Belt…
1> Pocket-size copy of “Chicken Soup for the Psychotic
Vigilante’s Soul”
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
Amazon.com
Been to the world’s largest store lately?
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/tfc2-20
Selected from 36 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:
——————————————————————
Greg Preece, Toronto, ON — 1, 2, 3 (2nd #1, 2nd hat trick)
Paul Boyle, Attleboro, MA — 4, 5
Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL — 6, 7, 9 (1st hat trick)
Jennifer A. Ford, Fort Wayne, IN — 8
Douglas Ward, Haverhill, MA — 9
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA — Mild-Mannered Reporter
[ TOPFIVE.COM’S LITTLE FIVERS ]
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
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Date: Fri, 20 Jul 2001 11:29:00 -0700
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TOPFIVE.COM’S LITTLE FIVERS — COMICS
http://www.topfive.com/fivers.shtml
July 20, 2001
NOTE FROM DAVE:
Here it, the first open list, created exclusively from
you, the faithful subscribers. It was one of the most
difficult lists to moderate, a testament to the finely
honed comedy tastes that are the TopFive Comics community.

The Top 9 Signs Hawkman Hates You

9> Your application to join the Junior Justice Society comes back stamped “REJECTED” and looking like it’s been hit repeated with a spiked mace.

8> Third day in a row you wake up on top of a tree.

7> He sees you washing your car and immediately starts eating 10 burritos.

6> The threatening e-mails from hawkman@jla.org are a definite clue.

5> He and Trapper John put another rubber snake in your bunk – oh, wait, that’s Hawkeye (and not even the right one at that).

4> Borrows your car and then does what birds usually do to a freshly washed car, only it’s on the inside.

3> That statue of you in the park? Not pretty…

2> *Somebody’s* egging your windows, and you live in a 100-story penthouse.

and the Number 1 Sign Hawkman Hates You…

1> Keeps flipping you “the human.”

.

Credits:

Selected from 170 submissions from 38 contributors,
including 32 “freshly washed car/pigeon” analogies.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Jeremy Bleichman, Fair Lawn, NJ — 1 (woo-hoo!)
Euel Ball, Spokane, WA — 2
Gavin Priebe, Marietta, GA — 3
Erin Blair, Kenmore NY — 4
Elizabeth Ersland, Denton, TX — 5
Jim Manchester, Killen, AL — 6
Jerry Jordan, Metropolis, IL — 7
Marc Berard, Westwood, MA — 8
Jack Scheer, Falls Church, VA — 9
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA — Mild-Mannered Reporter