The Top 7 Signs Your
Graduation Ceremony Isn’t Going Too Well

7> The diplomas look suspiciously like Pizza Hut gift certificates.

6> The speaker is David Horowitz, and three companies of the National Guard are posted around the perimeter of the auditorium.

5> As the commencement speaker gives his address, he stops to ask an English professor if “dignitude” is a word.

4> While “Uncle Cletus and his Moonshine Boys” might have some musical merit, their version of “Pomp and Circumstance” leaves something to be desired.

3> Your valedictorian is high on PCP and wielding a sawed-off shotgun.

2> During the seven-hour ceremony, the apocalypse comes — everyone is relieved.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Graduation Ceremony Isn’t Going Too
Well…

1> They just started with the “S” last names, and the freshmen have shown up for fall orientation.

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Credits:

Selected from 16 submissions from 5 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Jay Williams, Vanderbilt University — 1, 4, 7 (Rookie hat trick!)
Mike Budzinski, Purdue University — 2, 5
Ed Smith, UT Chattanooga — 3, 6
Madeleine Sato, Kirkland College — Topic, List Moderator
Colette de la Souche, McGill University — Runner Up list name
Laurie Northrup, Hamilton College — Dean of Humor