The Top 7 Signs You
Won’t Make the Dean’s List

7> The “Super Seniors” who haven’t graduated yet laugh at you and call you an “Uber-Senior.”

6> “Drunk, fat and naked is no way to attend your 10 AM Intro to Theology final, son.”

5> The entire College of Ethics is chasing you around campus with torches, pitchforks and a noose.

4> You couldn’t be bothered to make it to your final because there was a Playstation tournament going on.

3> Nothing’s going right for your nuclear engineering masters’ thesis. You have the uranium, the lab rat, some old pizza, a few snapping turtles… but none of the mutations produce ninjas!

2> Daddy already used up his string-pulling ability getting you into the National Guard.

and the Number 1 Sign You Won’t Make the Dean’s List…

1> You’ve met his fist.

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Credits:

Selected from 33 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom University — 1 (3rd #1!)
David J. Ludwig, CSU San Marcos — 2, 7
G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University — 3
Veronique DuBeaumarchais, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo — 4, 7
James Knowles, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo — 5
Guy Payne, Auburn University — 6
Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis College of Pharmacy — RA on Duty

The Top 5 Signs You
Won’t Make the Dean’s List

5> Your grades arrive on a postcard, since the school didn’t think they were worth paying for first-class postage.

4> The only reason the dean even knows your name is because he went home a little early yesterday and heard his wife screaming it from the bedroom.

3> After three years of majoring in computer science, the only area of expertise you’ve developed is finding the secret guys in Tekken.

2> Instead of studying, you stay up until 4:00 am downloading from Napster before they start charging.

and the Number 1 Signs You Won’t Make the Dean’s List…

1> Your tutor referral turns out to be a subscription to “Hooked on Phonics.”

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Credits:

Selected from 42 submissions from 22 contributors.
Today’s Little Fiver authors are:

Gretchen Crumpacker, University of Delaware — 1 (Woo-hoo!)
Charlie Galindo, College TBA — 2
Madeleine Sato, Kirkland College — 2, List Moderator
Nikita Heroux, Hartwick College — 3
Mark Schmidt, UCSB — 4
Wade Kwon, Cornell University — 4
Joanna Zwickler, Hamilton College — 5
Kristopher Kettner, Columbia College — Topic
Laurie Northrup, Hamilton College — Dorm resident