August 12, 2002     

The Top 10 Signs That
Satan is Your Roommate

10> He gets homesick when someone tells him to go to hell.

9> His paper on “Bias in the Media” is a 35-page rant about how
bad he comes off in The Bible.

8> All his math answers involve formulas for transforming
geometric figures into pentagrams.

7> He claims that owning animals to sacrifice isn’t breaking the
“no pets” rule.

6> He shines in the light, makes an irritating “whooshing” noise
when he walks and stains easily if you spill red wine on him.
(Oops, those are signs that your roommate is *satin*.)

5> He cited an interview he did with Adolph Hitler for his World
History paper on the Third Reich.

4> He receives messages from home by playing CDs backward.

3> He burned the dorm down while showing off during the
“light-your-farts” contest.

2> He invites you to go on a Spring Break road trip to Branson,
Missouri.

and the Number 1 Sign That Satan is Your Roommate…

1> His last three internships were for Arthur Andersen, Enron
and James Traficant.

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Credits:

Selected from 126 submissions from 28 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Tom Galloway, UNC-Chapel Hill — 1 (1st #1!)
Wade Kwon, Cornell University — 2
Randy Lee, US Military Academy — 3, 10
Bruce Gunn, Weber State — 3
Chris Troute, UA Anchorage — 4
Scott Thompson, Upsala College — 5
Brent McDaniel, Georgia Tech — 6
Jesse Lambert, University of South Florida — 7
Scott E. Gluck, UC Santa Barbara — 8
Craig D. Barker, University of Michigan — 9
Danny Gallagher, UT Austin — List Moderator, RA
Henry Phillips, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience