March 24th, 2006
The Top 6 Limericks About Dorm Food
6> Though mystery meat’s on the bill,
Sometimes it can be quite a thrill.
It may be Godzilla
Or a mountain gorilla
Or really fresh possum road-kill.
5> Monday is mystery meat.
I believe I should get up and leave.
And now that I’m done
After swallowing that scum
I’ll head back to my dorm room and heave.
4> I remember I used to love meat.
As foods go it sure can’t be beat.
What I get at my school
Must come from a bull –
It takes me two hours to eat.
3> I’d really would like some greens.
I’ve loved ‘em since I was a teen.
But your collards and mustard
Just cannot be trusted
And your kale looks like old vaseline.
2> I heard my roast beef give a moan,
The chicken is green to the bone,
The coffee is cold,
The veggies have mold
And my potato walked out on its own.
and the Number 1 Limerick About Dorm Food…
1> Your coffee has caused me to choke,
Your iced tea is but a sick joke,
The fountain is busted,
The milk can’t be trusted
And you sell vintage cans of New Coke.
.
Credits:
Selected from 21 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Guy Payne, Auburn University — 1, 3, 6 (Triple Sec!/9th #1!)
Joseph Terranova, Wayne State University — 2, 5
Jeff Rabinowitz, Temple University — 4
Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis College of Pharmacy — RA on Duty
RUNNERS UP list — No Seconds
I’m not wealthy, so on our first date
At the dorm caf we pleasantly ate.
The quality lagged
And made her gag.
Now it’s my guts she definitely hates.
(Joseph Terranova, Wayne State University)
I’m scared to go in the cafeteria,
It’s so bad you have no idea.
My backside trembles in fear,
I hope a bathroom is near –
Because now I have bad diarrhea.
(John Shurniak, University of Regina)
Oh, what a gross meatball!
From spoon to plate it did fall.
I don’t want to eat it,
The cook barely did heat it –
Let’s go get some food at the mall.
(Nick Dryer, St. Louis College of Pharmacy)
Runners Up list name
(John Shurniak, University of Regina)
At the dorm caf we pleasantly ate.
The quality lagged
And made her gag.
Now it’s my guts she definitely hates.
(Joseph Terranova, Wayne State University)
I’m scared to go in the cafeteria,
It’s so bad you have no idea.
My backside trembles in fear,
I hope a bathroom is near –
Because now I have bad diarrhea.
(John Shurniak, University of Regina)
Oh, what a gross meatball!
From spoon to plate it did fall.
I don’t want to eat it,
The cook barely did heat it –
Let’s go get some food at the mall.
(Nick Dryer, St. Louis College of Pharmacy)
Runners Up list name
(John Shurniak, University of Regina)
HONORABLE MENTIONS list — Appetite Ruined
I see that I’m losing some weight.
The dorm food, oh, boy do I hate.
No matter what they make
Gives me a stomach ache –
I guess I chalk this up to fate.
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Temple University, Philadelphia, Pa)
Our dorm food is greasy and fried.
It makes you feel queasy inside.
But before you quit
Know there’s one benefit:
At least all the roaches have died.
(Joseph Terranova, Wayne State University)
Honorable Mentions list name
(Joseph Terranova, Wayne State University)
The dorm food, oh, boy do I hate.
No matter what they make
Gives me a stomach ache –
I guess I chalk this up to fate.
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Temple University, Philadelphia, Pa)
Our dorm food is greasy and fried.
It makes you feel queasy inside.
But before you quit
Know there’s one benefit:
At least all the roaches have died.
(Joseph Terranova, Wayne State University)
Honorable Mentions list name
(Joseph Terranova, Wayne State University)
