We’re streaking!!!

The Top 6 Headlines That Scream “College”

6> University implements dry campus policy. Anheuser-Busch announces massive layoffs.

5> Three killed, 22 wounded in textbook price increase.

4> Kappa sisters report missing panties.

3> Man found lying in the quad has no clue how he got there. Amnesia cases on the rise.

2> Football team disbanded. Ultimate Frisbee now #1 university sport.

and the Number 1 Headline That Screams “College”…

1> Binge drinking on the rise. (See page 4 for the complete how-to.)

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Credits:

Selected from 24 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

David J. Ludwig, CSU San Marcos — 1, 4 (15th #1!)
Erik Deckers, Ball State University — 2
Derek Matheis, University of New Haven — 3, Banner tag
Danny Gallagher, UT Austin — 5
Dan Lautman, University of Maryland — 6
Brandon Eldridge, StL College of Pharmacy — Tenured Professor

RUNNERS UP list — Ripped From the Headlines

Beer makes you smarter. No seriously. My roommate told me, and he’s pre-med.
(Erik Deckers, Ball State University)

Campus nurse discontinues free condom program, announces new free Adderal initiative.
(Dan Lautman, University of Maryland)

Man released from hospital after successful removal of beer bong from rectum.
(Derek Matheis, University of New Haven)

Mysterious non-iPod owning student identified.
(David J. Ludwig, CSU San Marcos)


Runners Up list name
(Danny Gallagher, UT Austin)

HONORABLE MENTIONS list — Read All About It

Missing goat statue recovered.
(James Knowles, Cal Poly)

Sorority studies find: Daddy’s credit card cannot buy happiness.
(Veronique DuBeaumarchais, Cal Poly)