NOTE FROM BRANDON:

Law enforcement officials everywhere have acknowledged the chance of an emergency call going unanswered due to all dispatchers being on other calls… probably answering calls from College students.

The Top 7 Things Overheard in a Collegiate “911″ Call

7> “Hi, it’s Brad at the frat house again. The usual, alcohol poisoning. No, [...]

NOTE FROM BRANDON:

Please donate to the memorial funds for the Virginia Tech shootings at http://www.recovery.vt.edu/victims_funds.html and the Northern Illinois University shootings at http://www.niu.edu/memorial/scholarships.shtml

The Top 8 Signs Your Campus Needs Tighter Security

8> The officers routinely rent out the master keys to all the sororities.

7> Every dorm room comes with optional theft insurance.

6> [...]

The Top 8 Classes at Hell University

8> Philosophy Of Eternal Damnation

7> Intro to Law School 101

6> Principles of Accounting (If that ain’t hell, nothing is)

5> GOP 201

4> Water Boarding for Success

3> Training to Be the Antichrist

2> Theology 101: Why Evil Is Superior to Good

and the Number 1 Class at Hell University…

1> Music 201: The [...]

NOTE FROM BRANDON:

It’s Spring Break! College students everywhere are drinking away the pain of the first half of the semester.

The Top 7 Things Overheard at Spring Break

7> “You slept with Lindsay Lohan too!?!?”

6> “What does my ass tattoo say?”

5> “Wanna go check out the MTV crew?”

4> “It’s only 2 pm. You’re [...]

The Top 9 Events at the College-Olympics

9> Pimp Your RA’s Ride

8> DUI Liquor Dash

7> The 100-Minute Finals Cram

6> Hundred Panty Dash

5> Chess Team Hurling

4> Synchronized Term Papers (formerly called ‘Performance Plagiarism’)

3> The Piss-cus (for Distance and Volume)

2> The Jell-O Shot Put

and the Number 1 Event at the College-Olympics…

1> Porch Furniture Scavenger Hunt

.

Credits:

Selected from [...]

NOTE FROM LITTLE FIVERS

Someone spiked the Yoo-Hoo at the Little Fivers Leap Year Partay. In the ensuing frenzy, inhibitions were thrown out and the keys to our respective offices were thrown into a fishbowl. When 9pm came around and our moms texted us to get our butts home NOW, each moderator fished out a key. One or [...]

The Top 9 Signs Your Roommate Wants to Go to Law School

9> He’s been slowly eliminating his moral compass all semester.

8> You put up a Bob Marley poster when you moved in. He put up a Johnny Cochran poster.

7> He tells you he no longer has any use for his soul and offers to [...]

The Top 9 Best Things About Parent’s Weekend(Part II)

9> For two blissful days, there is no vomit, urine, feces, or blood on the dorm hallway floor.

8> Mom always brings tasty treats, so you can finally get a break from all that healthy food you’ve been eating.

7> Incentive to do laundry. Also money to do laundry.

6> [...]

NOTE FROM BRANDON:

The spring semester starts soon. 18-year olds everywhere are figuring out how to fake ADD symptoms, score alcohol before going back, and convince their folks that Parents Weekend was canceled. Here’s part one of a two-part list detailing why they should reconsider.

The Top 9 Best Things About Parents Weekend (Part I)

9> Mom’s nagging [...]

The Top 9 Signs Your Fraternity Brother Is a Deity(Part II)

9> He spends a lot of time with the virgins.

8> You drive the brand new BMW 7-series your parents bought you. Him? Chariot of Fire.

7> One time at this really ragin’ party, he turned into a swan and seduced a [...]