April 15, 2002     

The Top 9 Differences Between
Regular College and Clown College

9> REGULAR COLLEGE: Dining hall food tastes terrible.
CLOWN COLLEGE: Dining hall food tastes funny.

8> REGULAR COLLEGE: Students wear big floppy sneakers, pants that
fall down around their ankles, and routinely squirt liquids on
each other.
CLOWN COLLEGE: They also wear funny red rubber noses.

7> REGULAR COLLEGE: Greeks dump bubbles in the quad fountain.
CLOWN COLLEGE: Geeks dump Bubbles in the quad fountain.

6> REGULAR COLLEGE: When you receive your diploma, the dean
shakes your hand.
CLOWN COLLEGE: When you receive your diploma, you get a kick
in the ass.

5> REGULAR COLLEGE: A frat party is successful if there’s enough
beer and chicks.
CLOWN COLLEGE: A frat party is successful if there are enough
condoms to tie into balloon animals.

4> REGULAR COLLEGE: Your school’s rival is a similarly sized,
cross-state school.
CLOWN COLLEGE: Your school’s rival is McDonaldland University.

3> REGULAR COLLEGE: Nerds.
CLOWN COLLEGE: Mimes.

2> REGULAR COLLEGE: The basketball coach throws a chair when
he’s angry.
CLOWN COLLEGE: The basketball coach throws a pie when he’s
angry.

and the Number 1 Difference Between Regular College and Clown
College…

1> REGULAR COLLEGE: Too loaded to drive home? Friends load you
into a cab.
CLOWN COLLEGE: Too loaded to drive home? Friends load you
into a cannon.

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Credits:

Selected from 29 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Kim Walker-Daniels, Northern Illinois Univ. — 1, 7
G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University — 2, 5
Jay Williams, Vanderbilt University — 3
Craig D. Barker, University of Michigan — 4
Julie Carlson, St. Cloud State University — 6
Dawson E. Rambo, Jacksonville University — 8
Bryan Koval, Penn State — 9
Danny Gallagher, UT Austin — List Moderator, RA
Pink Floyd, London, England — Ambience