March 16, 2012
Fivers lists, will be taking an extended hiatus
for a few months to regroup and find new ways
of getting our weekly topical humor to you.
Today will be our last list for a while.
9> Prison, although the dorm rooms are a bit on the small side to
be cells.
8> Film a zombie movie. No, better wait until there are students
dragging out of bed on some random Sunday morning on their way
to the coffee shop, so you won’t have to waste money on
costumes and makeup.
7> Fill it with politicians, chain the doors shut, and set the
place ablaze.
6> A giant playground for swingers to act out those “naughty
teacher” fantasies.
5> Paintball and laser-tag tournaments!
4> With surprisingly few changes, most colleges make excellent
summer camps.
3> Use the dorms as homeless shelters, if you can convince
homeless people to accept a place to stay that smells like
feet and is waist-deep in dirty clothes.
2> Unemployment center for English and Basket Weaving majors.
stories about creaky old professors who still roam the halls
asking for term papers.
Selected from 23 submissions from 6 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Emily Fortner, UAH — 1 (3d 4.0!)
Hope Roth, Trinity College — 2, 4
Lori Petterson, UVa — 3, 7, 8 (Hat trick!)
Jerry Lane, SU+UB+UBCC — 5, 6
Vic Vitek, RPI — 9, Dean of Students